When grief, guilt, and familial expectations all come together, it can be difficult to prioritize yourself. However, even in the darkest moments, people opt to keep their own peace. Our reader recounted her tragic decision to embark on the dream trip she and her husband had been saving for, just days after her 15-year-old stepson disappeared. While many would have preferred to remain behind, she decided that honoring her own needs, after years of sacrifice, had to come first, even if it meant confronting judgment and suffering.
Here’s Sandra’s letter:
My husband and I have been together for 11 years, and throughout that time, we never once managed to take a proper vacation. For the last three years, we had saved every dollar possible to finally enjoy our dream cruise.
But just four days before we were supposed to leave, disaster struck — my 15-year-old stepson was kil:led in a car acc:ident.
I was heartbroken for my husband, and the grief felt unbearable. Still, I couldn’t ignore the weight of how much I had invested in this trip — emotionally, mentally, and financially. I told him, “You can stay, but I won’t give this up!” He said nothing. He simply fell silent.
While I was on the cruise, he called me. I froze when I heard his voice. He said, “You are not coming back to this house ever again!”
I was stunned. While still on the cruise, I learned he had gathered all my things and put them out on the lawn — even asking my mother to collect them. In an instant, everything collapsed. The trip I had long dreamed of was suddenly overshadowed.
When I returned, he told me he had already filed for divo:rce. He said he could not remain married to someone who would leave right after his son’s death. At first, I tried to convince myself it was only his grief speaking. But now I realize — he truly meant every word.
I keep questioning: was it really so wrong for me to take a trip I’d saved for over two years? I didn’t want to throw it away after all that effort. But now, everything else may be gone instead.
Do you think I was at fault? Could you offer me some advice?
